Sigh. Time for a venting session.

Not happy. I'm off track once again. Things are just not going my way, but becoming even more complicated. Its the little things that keep ticking me off. I don't understand why.. my mind just seems to absorb stupid things that aren't even worth thinking of and being myself I just LOVE to over think e v e r y t h i n g. I don't know how much more I can emphasize on that everything...

With so much time on my hands, I just happen to be using this time on a whole lot of crap. Complete crap. Okay.. so I haven't done homework in a few days and because of this I feel sooo bad. Does it seem like I feel real bad? (Probably not huh?) Because I truly do. It doesn't feel right and that because I haven't been sticking to my timetable I feel like 'that' something is missing and so I've decided that I will be homeworking tonight, after this blog session.. well hopefully.

The other cardinal thing that has been on my mind recently are my 'friends'. Ah, yes friends. We all need friends. Right?

I'd hate to say this, but sometimes I don't even know who my true friends are. One minute, they might be the nicest person on this planet and the next they can be back stabbing and inconsiderate. What makes a good friend? Someone who can listen you when your upset? Someone who buys you nice things? Someone who pays attention to you, no matter who you are with? Someone who's going to be there for you when you need them? Someone who will be your friend one minute and then leave you for someone else and then come back to you?

I hate it, sometimes I just feel like I give my friends so much and in return.. you know in the long run I still feel like they haven't return that back. I know that there are a few people in my life, these people who I happen to call 'true friends'. These people who ask for nothing.. but my company, who are happy just to talk to me and who are just willing to listen to me and even to watch me from a far. So which is it? Do you call someone a good friend because they display all those aspects which we think makes someone a 'good' friend? Or is a good friend someone who just walks in and out of your life, whenever they want or feel like it? Just because they've been friends for so long this means and allows them to treat you like this?

Then again this could be the total opposite and it might just be that I AM the one who isn't giving them enough, I might be the one who isn't there for them? I just might be the one who isn't being the good friend.

All I ever wanted was for you to notice that I was there, for you to acknowledge me, to not forget me. We've known each other for quite a while now, but even these little things get to me. You know, we talk, we smile like nothings wrong, but inside it hurts me. It's stupid and I don't know why I'm feeling like this when there are so many things I could be doing and you know keeping my mind from this burden. But it just happens. I feel excluded, just because you might not see them as much as you see me, doesn't mean you can just put me aside for that time and pretend like you don't know me anymore. And after you are done, come back to me like nothing has happened. I just want to be treated equally. I just want you to remember that I am your friend too.